


Run from you, I’ll run until I begin to understand

by Helpneedmorefanfics



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, Trans Female Character, Trans Sonic the Hedgehog, okay this gets pretty angsty yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helpneedmorefanfics/pseuds/Helpneedmorefanfics
Summary: The dress has been in his life as long as he can remember.
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 50
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'mma just get this one out before I lose all courage.  
> Title is from Pray by the amazing devil, a wonderful band, check em out.  
> This was betad by the lovely, lovely, Pidgeonsonsynthesizers whose stories are rad dude, definitely check those out.

The dress has been in his life as long as he can remember. 

Sonic wasn't entirely sure how old he was when he first saw the dress. Four, maybe? Five? Not that he knew his true age, because the social workers who took him in had no idea either. A bunch of animal rescue people had found him as a baby fending for himself in the jungle on the outskirts of a town and they had brought him in. He had never learnt their names but Sonic remembers kind eyes, gentle hands, soft voices and ear scritches. He thinks there was a dog? 

He remembers overhearing a conversation about a year later and finding out the couple who found him had wanted to adopt him, but couldn't for some reason. Sonic used to dream about it- the couple showing up at the door one day, the coolest people to exist and taking him away to their home. 

Its-whatever. It's not like he can find out who they were now. He doesn't remember the place much and he changed hands too many times after that to possibly track them.

 _Whatever._

And it's not like the social workers were bad. They got him clothes, even though he didn't like them much, they got him books and trinkets and even sent him to school, even if it didn't last long. 

He was walking with one of the social workers, one of the really good ones, ( _Shashwati, her name was, he thinks_ ), and she was taking him to school because the days were Eggman-free back then. He was walking behind her, reciting the multiplication tables they were supposed to learn for that day and looking around at the shops, gasping over the displays. 

And then he saw it. In the window of a fancy looking shop was hanging this beautiful, absolutely gorgeous dress. It was a light blue- turquoise? It looked like a light turquoise actually- and the middle was embedded with pieces of tiny crystals that reminded Sonic of the pool he used to drink water from when the light hit it right. It was one-shouldered, with a stunning white flower at the top of the single strap holding it up. 

Sonic remembers stopping and squinting at the shop across the road and trying to see if he would fit in it. Maybe if he cut it? But it would look bad if he cut it, he couldn't do that. He spent five blissful minutes staring at it when suddenly a panicked Shashwati ran back from where she had gone ahead without him and was pulling at him and saying that he was going to be late. 

That was the longest he'd ever let himself stop and look at it. 

After that was pretty much public history- he fought Eggman, he dropped out of school, he fought Eggman, he found Tails, he fought Eggman, the government declared him a national hero and blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. 

( _"Are you a he or a she? Is it rude to ask that?" One of the kids had curiously asked him on the first day.  
"Don't be silly, Darla, " One of the others replied before Sonic could open his mouth. "Didn't you hear his voice? He's obviously a he. "  
Sonic wilted, but never said anything. There was never anything to say, after all._) 

Tails took much of his time after that. The two-tailed fox had been left in a box outside the orphanage Sonic was in at the time and Sonic had taken a shine to the other Mobian immediately. He has a few memories of helping the tired nannies who ran the shelter feed Tails and a few of brushing soft yellow fur and making the kit giggle.  
Good times. 

He had run away from the orphanage in the end, taking Tails with him. He'd heard rumors of the high government stepping in because they were Mobians and therefore 'special cases'. And then one day he'd heard Shashwati and the other nannies yelling at someone-probably the men in suits who'd shown up earlier. Sonic still thinks that it was because he'd gone out running- proper running, at his speed- the previous day. Sonic was hugging a shaking Tails and trying to shush the crying five-month kit in the empty dorm room, trying not to panic himself, when the rest of the children they lived with burst into the room. They were supposed to be at dinner, which you were never allowed to leave from until you were done, so the two Mobians flinched violently at the unexpected entry. The kids all ran in different directions, pulling up floorboards and secret compartments and their own little bags, and removing all the money stashed in them. It was money painstakingly saved up from their scarce pocket money, but not a single child seemed to hesitate as they pulled out crumpled notes and spare change, dumping it in a pile in the centre of the room. 

"What-" Sonic finally found his voice, "What's happening?"

Fiora (Fiora? Fiona? No, Fiora.) had thrown a backpack into his hands, and Jesse and Chang started shoving all his and Tails' stuff off the side table and into it. Her normally gentle brown eyes were panicked and her owl claw necklace swung wildly from side to side. 

"What's happening? " Sonic asked her desperately. She grabbed his paws and spoke in a low tone.  
"There's no time. They're not going to listen, and Shashwati won't be able to stop them. I don't know what they'll do if they get their hands on you, but it can't be good." Gabrielle ran to her with all the collected money, wrapped in a blanket and Fiora grabbed it, shoved it into the backpack and zipped it up. 

The shouting outside began to escalate and one of the other girls- she used to be from an abusive foster home, Sonic remembered faintly- started crying. Fiora looked over her shoulder and jerked her head towards the door. Nodding, Ryan, the second oldest after Fiora, gently picked up the girl and ran out of the room, Finn's quick hands locking the door after him. 

Tails was clinging to him roughly, claws digging into Sonic's back. He held the kit tightly back and pleaded, "Fiora, please, what do I do?"

Just then someone banged on the door from the outside, yelling. The twenty-odd children around the room rushed to the door, pushing it shut as the old rusty lock threatened to snap.The children started to yell out, 

"FIORA! " ( _Jesse,brown hair, blue eyes, 13._ ) 

"GET THEM OUT!" ( _Nora, blonde hair, green eyes, 11._ ) 

"Fiora there's no time, get them out now!" ( _Gabrielle, curled hair, black eyes, 9._ ) 

Fiora turned back to them, tears in her warm brown eyes, "You have to go." 

"W-where?" Sonic asked, feeling like crying himself. 

"I don't know. Away from here. Far, far away. Sonic, please, I know it's a lot to ask, but if they catch you they'll-" She cut herself off, looking at the terrified fox. Thrusting his bag of rings that the orphanage had confiscated into his paws she hugged him tightly and whispered only one word, 

"Run."

Tails was whimpering wetly into his fur and tears were streaking down Fiora's olive cheeks and Sonic had been so, so scared, but he'd grabbed Tails, grabbed the backpack, sped around to give a quick hug to every child holding the door shut and ran. As he was fishing out a ring, he heard the door bursting open, screaming, shouting, someone crying out, "Sonic, _run!_ " (Shashwati, he thinks) but he used every last ounce of willpower not to turn back and threw a portal open and dashed through. 

He's never heard of Fiora since. Or the other kids. He hopes they're alright. 

He and Tails were pretty much homeless after that for a while, but they managed well enough on the bunch of notes and change they had. Sonic won money in races and Tails learned how to assemble small machines using a bunch of textbooks he'd found in a dumpster and then sold them. They still had to be wary of agents for a while, but the more they fought Eggman, the more funds started pouring in, and soon they were able to set up a nice HQ in a sweet little house that they'd been given at the edge of the city. He adored every inch of it. Sonic wouldn't change a thing. 

So yeah, he hadn't thought of the dress in ages, well and truly pushed to the back of his mind by all the stress of being the coolest person ever. But one day, as he was zipping through the streets to get himself some donuts (His earliest memory- _"Easy fella-we ain't gonna hurt you. It's okay. You're safe. Here, want a donut? I have plenty."_ ) A colourful windowpane caught his eye. He skidded to a halt and stared, breath catching in his lungs.  
_Trends_ , the black and gold lettering at the top of the shop spelled out. 

Sonic couldn't believe it. It was the same shop as back in his old town. And- he cast his gaze downwards-the dress. It was here too. 

He took a step towards it before realizing his mistake as a car honked madly at him as the driver desperately tried to brake. Yelling, Sonic jumped out of the way, screaming out a "Sorry!" At the retreating car. He looked back up at the dress across the street, feeling a longing for it that he'd never felt before. Even his chili dog cravings were less than this- and he LOVED chili dogs. 

But before he could move towards it again, a group of laughing, yelling, talking girls got out of an expensive-looking car and went towards the shop.

Sonic froze where he stood.

Right. Dresses were a girl thing. They weren't for boys, no matter how pretty they were.

He-

He wasn't a girl.

Sonic gulped, mouth suddenly dry. His chest and face were burning, and his breaths were coming too fast, not getting enough oxygen to his lungs-which only happened during his worst fights. 

Forcing himself not to look at the dress once more, he sped off in a random direction, panting wildly. The world blurred around him as he ran, getting faster and faster.  
The dress wasn't for him. It was a stupid piece of cloth meant for girls and was ugly and flimsy and _stupid_ and he shouldn't want it- it's not for him he's not a girl _hesnotagirlhesnotagirlhesnota-_

Sonic trips. 

The momentum has him arching through the sky for a handful of moments, just enough for him to think _oh I'm falling, oh this is going to hurt_. 

And then he hits the ground. Hard. Pain shoots through his entire body again and again as he bounces off the ground once, twice, thrice, before sliding across rocks and grass and coming to a halt. Sonic groans in pain and the last thing he sees is an angry red-hedgehog? Looks bigger though,maybe a cousin species- shouting at him about something before the world goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda short fam

So Knuckles is fun. He's a pleasant distraction from his earlier breakdown and a great ally once they got past the "GET OFF MY ISLAND," stage. Which, hey, if you didn't want friends to come meet you, you shouldn't have come to the mainland for fruits and have a super speeded hedgehog crash into you. 

Heh. 

So life goes on. Sonic very much, absolutely, positively does not think about the dress. He's also totally not jealous of Amy's collection of dresses either. Or her makeup. Or eyelashes. Or jewelry or accessories or heels or the way she so effortlessly wears her femininity like a queen's cape while being such a badass. 

He _doesn't._ Nope. Not at all. 

And he doesn't go back to look at the dress. 

But the universe hates him because when he's accompanying Tails to his new favorite machinery shop a few weeks later, he casually glances across the street and nearly chokes on his lollipop (jolly ranchers were _the best_ ) when he sees _Trends_ again. A sharp glance across the area shows that yes, this is the area he was in last time and _shit_ is Tails' place over here? Because Sonic is normally the one to get him his machine parts and do-diddles and he certainly doesn't want to pass this place every time and see-

The dress. It's hanging in the windowpane still, an unexplained smug aura around it. Sonic growls, thinking _you're for girls_ venomously at it even though it's a dress and he's aware he's being stupid. 

A sharp tug on his hand brings him back and he looks down at the frowning kit attached to it. 

"Sonic? " Tails squeaks at him, god he's adorable, Sonic loves him so much. "Whatchu looking at? " 

"Uh", Sonic's brain struggles to come up with an excuse and lands on, " The plane! That plane, in the sky. We should build a plane. That'll be cool right? "

Tails eyes light up manically and he starts ranting and raving about the idea immediately, pulling Sonic faster towards the shop and thankfully, away from the dress. Sonic huffs in both relief and amusement. Well, it was a shitty excuse, but at least Tails and he will have something to work on for the next few weeks. 

(No one's more surprised than Sonic when the plane actually works.) 

But he must have been a murderer in a past life or something because when Knuckles _finally_ agrees to try out a cafe, he chooses the one straight opposite Trends. Which means Sonic gets an impromptu acting session, trying to pretend to be interested in the conversation and not staring at the dress across the road. And then he has to pretend he's not feeling guilty that he can't give Knuckles his all when the red echidna was opening up to him. 

It feels like an actual physical presence staring evilly at him for the full two hours and Sonic has to fight back tears exhaustedly when he finally zooms away after the goodbyes. He had no idea why it's affecting him so much, it's just a scrap of cloth. Saying that immediately makes him feel guilty because it was so beautiful- it wasn't scrap, it- 

Sonic stops running, shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts. He changes direction and zooms off to Sticks’ place instead, where he's greeted by a piercing shriek and watches a few movies and matches her conspiracy theories with his own until the sun rises, dress blissfully forgotten. 

  
  


It's not that girls are bad or anything. They're amazing, Sonic knows. It's just that he isn't one. He knows this because that's what's in his crumpled birth certificate, check-marked _male_ , because he's taller than the other hedgehogs he knows, because he's Sonic, _Hero_ of Mobius and because that's just what he is. He isn't a girl, he's a boy and that means he can't have makeup or jewelry or _dresses._

He's not a girl. 

Then why, Sonic thinks to himself as he chokes back tears while Cream's back is turned, looking at himself in the mirror with a bright pink eyesore of a tutu on, quills tied in bunches with red ribbon and messy makeup applied by a five-year-old, looking _right_ for the first time in his life, _does he feel like one._

Sonic doesn't bother staying away from the dress after that little meltdown. And it was a meltdown-after he left Cream’s place, he sped off to his own room and cried non-stop for an hour at the sheer relief that coursed through him when he looked at himself in that mirror, finally knowing who he was.

He’s found a solution- he’ll run by Trends at superspeed, drink in the dress while everything around him is in suspended motion and then run back off. It becomes a guilty pleasure of his that he indulges in on the more stressful days. He can recreate every stitch of the outfit at this point. 

He sometimes fantasizes about going in and trying it on, but it's a very popular shop and it's always full. He wouldn't be able to go in there without someone recognizing him and then they would post it on the internet and then the whole world would know that he-

Yeah, he can't go into the shop. Also, it's probably hella expensive. 

It's never left the windowpane for some reason. In the years Sonic has seen the dress, only once did it disappear from its stand. Sonic remembers it vividly, heart and soul crashing as he stared at the empty mannequin.  _ It's gone,  _ he thought hysterically,  _ someone snapped it up.  _

Rationally he knew the dress wasn't his and that it was a miracle that the beauty hadn't been bought by some rich lady before, but his panicking brain wasn't listening. Tears sprung into Sonic's eyes.  _ It's gone. It's actually gone.  _

Luckily no one was paying attention, everyone trying their best to get out of the rain (fitting, he feels) but then as he looks, a retail worker comes and hangs it back up, shaking her head. 

Sonic can breathe again suddenly, although his eyesight is now blurry, and knowing that the dress is safe, is still in his reach if ever builds up the courage, he rushes off to get out of the rain as well. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://cutedressy.com/products/beautiful-light-blue-one-shoulder-homecoming-dresses-blue-party-dress-short-junior-party-dress  
> The dress.

It's not just the dress though. Small things that he had always pushed away before (Compartmentalized, Amy tells him absently as she scrolls through her phone, laying upside down next to him on the couch, legs perilously close to his face, you compartmentalize way too much) start to bother him. When Sticks calls him her 'male escort' he freezes up and forgets his lines. He gets dressed up with Cream every time he goes over to babysit and gets antsy when more than a few weeks go by between them. When Amy invites Rouge and Blaze and Wave and Sticks for a girls’ night out, he has to make an excuse to go and get water because he gets so blinded by jealousy for a few moments. When some passerby laughs that Shadow's deep voice makes Sonic's own seem girly in comparison, his heart thumps so hard and fast that all his effort goes into not showing any outward sign of happiness at the statement instead of a quirky comeback. 

Shadow gives him a weird look for that one. He's very observant like that. Sonic shrugs as they walk away from the jeering boy and says in a normal voice (he hopes) "Eh, he's not wrong. Your voice  _ is  _ very deep." 

_ It's not like I think about it all the time, nope,  _ Sonic thinks to himself. He then proceeds to panic because Shadow is an alien, what if he somehow heard that? Oh no, oh no. "Hey Shadster, you're not a mind reader right?"

Shadow sighs. 

Yeah, so things aren't amazing with Shadow at the moment because of the whole oh my god he's alive oh god he's trying to kill us problem that only resolved itself about a week ago. And Sonic now also has to deal with the bunch of  _ feelings  _ for the other 'hog that had hit him in the face harder than the chunk of building Eggman's robots had once thrown at him. 

Which is kinda interfering with the violently-make-friends-with-his-rivals-and-shower-them-with-unconditional-platonic-love strategy that he normally uses. But he's holding hope out for the best and even if Shadow still barely tolerates him, it's better than nothing. 

("GO.TO.THERAPY!" Amy screams at him.

"NO!" Sonic screams back. He knows it's good for the others and pays for most of their sessions out of the hero money he gets but he's seen documentaries about the conversion camps. 

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.") 

But everything else aside, Sonic's doing pretty great. His life is good, he has great friends, he gets to go on adventures and have fun and when everything gets too stressful and too many people use the wrong pronoun, even though they don't know it's wrong because he can't tell them, he goes and just sits across the road and stares at the beautiful dress. 

Shadow very nearly catches him at it one day. It's been a truly terrible day, what with Knuckles catching a fever and passing it on to Amy and Sticks and then Eggman attacking and Tails getting hurt and if the worry for his friends wasn't enough, he had to check them all in the hospital and provide his stupid ID with ' _ Male'  _ staring up at him the whole time

He's staring at the dress, eating a donut and sitting on a comfortable bench, while the world around him is suspended in time when a familiar rasp rings out from next to him. 

"What are you doing here?" Shadow asks and Sonic screams. He (She? No, not she, not yet. Sonic isn't able to accept that just yet, even if they know deep down that’s the right one. Ooh,  _ they,  _ that’s good too, that’ll do) They turn around to see Shadow standing there with no trace of emotion on his face, but his ears are flattened,which means he's startled by Sonic's outburst. Sonic keeps forgetting there's someone who can keep up with them now. 

"Nothing! " Sonic replies, a few beats later and then wants to facepalm. That just makes it more obvious that they were doing  _ something.  _

Fortunately, Shadow doesn't question it and Sonic thanks the universe for granting them one friend who isn't a nosy bitch. Instead he huffs and says, "You said that I could come to you for help. I need help. Come on."

Which is Shadow-speak for I trust you with my life, since he normally would rather cut off his own foot than ask for help. Delighted, Sonic springs to their feet and the two zoom off. 

Turns out, Shadow needs some help with building his house, which Sonic decides is a cool as shit thing to do. It takes them a few weeks to finish it up the way Shadow wants it, which is this weird hybrid mix of a gothic mansion and a treehouse, looking like a witch’s cottage in the end- which is an aesthetic Sonic can get behind actually.

A slow, lazy summer month goes by like this, with them working on the house to Sonic’s music till noon, taking a break to grab food and meet their recovering friends, and then working on the house again to Shadow’s music till sunset. 

At sunset, they run and run and run together, until they find a nice place to lie down and look at the stars. They’ll talk and talk and this thing in Sonic’s chest flutters and leaps everytime they manage to make Shadow laugh. It’s all they can do to keep their muzzle shut and not blurt out their ever-increasing attraction to the other hedgehog. Sonic just lies there in the grass and enjoys the fall.

They’re not stupid okay? Sonic knows what a crush feels like and this is somehow ten times better and ten times worse than that.

Sometimes, if Shadow feels up to it, they’ll chaos control to another continent and explore the culture (Shadow) and food (Sonic) there. They’ll buy trinkets and street food and things the others might like and then find a new place 

(The Die Rakotzbrück, The Vinicunca Rainbow Mountain and Tianzi mountains are Sonic’s favourites) and fall asleep under the Milky Way. 

It's wonderful. 

Finally, the house is completed and they throw a big housewarming party that Shadow complains about until the last second, even as he makes sure the right food is ordered for every species and lets Rouge and Espio drag him shopping (shoplifting, really, but semantics.) They come back with leather jackets and a  _ box of abandoned chaos and kittens  _ and denim clothes and  _ ear piercings for Shadow  _ which makes life ten times worse for Sonic because they are finding it doubly hard to not, like,  _ swoon,  _ everytime they look Shadow in the eyes. 

They’d like to know who wouldn't, really, if they had to look at their crush with a chao on their head and a kitten in their arms, all while looking like the most intimidating hedgehog to ever exist.

Chaos. 

(Just before the party starts, Sonic catches sight of a neon green nail polish bottle lying on the floor. It's a party anyway right? They can play it off as a joke if asked. 

They put on the nail polish.) 

  
  


Sonic’s at the party now and talking to Silver, but their eyes keep travelling to where Shadow is sitting with a bunch of folk who are listening to one of Stick’s conspiracy theories. Its Team Dark, Espio, Jet, Vector, Wave and Mighty, some of the most badass people Sonic knows, but they all have expressions raging from concern to alarm as Sticks gets more worked up and starts getting louder and faster. 

They don't seem to know what to do or how to stop her, which Sonic snorts at because they remember being the same when they were first introduced to the force of nature that was Sticks. Wave in particular looks like she’s taking mental notes and nodding seriously, while the others look like they’re stuck on a rollercoaster and can’t get off. 

She’s chaotic enough on her own for Sonic to thank the universe every day that she hates the emeralds because absolutely no one is ready for her using them.

Shadow’s more or less used to Sticks as well, because he doesn’t seem as affected as the others. He seems to sense Sonic's stare suddenly, head swinging around to look at them. 

Then he does this horrible thing where he tips his head back against the couch and smiles wide enough for Sonic to catch sight of his fangs even at this distance. 

Sonic, screaming internally, butterflies going ballistic in their belly, wanting to pass out like a Victorian maiden, smirks back.

It’s at that exact point that it finally registers- “ Earth to Sonic. Sonic, come in. Can you hear me?” That  _ shit,  _ they were talking to Silver. 

Sonic swirls around to him in a panic, "Yes? Yes, I’m listening, go on.”

Silver just stares at them unimpressedly, one eyebrow raised,"Really? Then what was I just saying?”

“Um,” Sonic wracks their brain, desperately trying to remember over the guilt of ignoring a friend. A smile tugs at Silvers lips, but he turns away with a huff like the dramatic shit he is. Sonic laughs and hangs on to him as they hobble away to a side room, Silver playfully trying to push him off.

They stumble into the guest room where the rest of the gang has claimed space, the cool breeze of the A/C hitting their quills, Sonic going,” C’mon, Silver, I said I was sorry!" 

"Too little, too late, bitch," Silver says, all ears around the room pricking up at potential drama. " Pay attention to me next time."

Sonic is just whining out,  _ "Silver-"  _ When Amy, their closest friend, their worst enemy, clicks her tongue and goes, "Ohhh, " with all the playfulness of a mob boss who knows that they're about to get what they want. Sonic's quills rise defensively as their damn traitor friends all look towards her with excitement. 

She smirks at Sonic and says to Silver and the expectant room, "Was Sonic watching  _ Shadow  _ again?"

Sonic's shriek of "AMY!" and them slamming the door shut isn't enough to cover up the noise as everyone starts speaking at once. 

"Oh, is that why we haven't seen you in a month?"

"You have a crush on  _ goth boy? _ "

"So many things make sense now!"

"Sonic has a cru-sh, Sonic has a cru-sh-"

"No, I don't!" Sonic protests, because nothing good would come of admitting it. 

"It's true," Silver confirms smugly, while trying to fight off Sonic putting their hands over his muzzle, "Sonic stared at him for at least fifteen minutes straight. Not one thing I said registered- at one point I asked if he was secretly a mermaid and he said 'yes, of course'. "

The 'he' stings slightly and takes a little of the wind out of their sails, but everyone is looking at them for a comeback so Sonic covers up by gently spin dashing into the bed. 

There's a lot of yelling for a minute or two as the little stunt sends Blaze and Metal careening straight off the fluffy mattress and they proceed to take revenge by throwing pillows. 

"PILLOW FIGHT!" Tikal screeches at the top of her lungs and the commotion immediately attracts the others from outside. 

Sticks pushes the door open just in time to see Amy get slammed in the face with a pillow and fall onto Tails. She shrieks out," I'll avenge you, my fallen love!" And tackles Knuckles to the ground. Which leads to Rouge letting out a war cry and jumping on Sticks and landing on Storm who squawks and throws both of them hard enough to knock down Espio and Silver. 

It's all chaos from there. 

About twenty minutes in, Sonic crawls under the tent made by an upended blanket and the side cabinets to join Shadow. They silently watch their friends scream and fight together. 

Shadow huffs suddenly and leans his head on Sonic's shoulder. Before they can talk themselves out of it, Sonic nuzzles him in return and tangles their fingers together. 

"Thank you." Shadow speaks quietly, at odds with the sound of Amy and Mighty yelling expletives in the background. 

"Aw, no problem, Shads. I'm always up to throw a bitchin bash."

Shadow groans exasperatedly, but there's a smile on his lips, " Stop using slang from the 50s, you haven't used it correctly  _ once _ ."

Sonic chuckles at the familiar banter, positioning themself so their quills thread together, " Don't flip your lid, dreamboat! I think it's a big tickle, that's all."

They realise what they've said a beat too late as Shadow suddenly moves away to look at them. "Dreamboat?"

Sonic opens their mouth to deny it vehemently, but the words die in their mouth as they look at Shadow. There's something like hope and happiness in his eyes and his fingers are tightly holding onto Sonic's. They're suddenly impossibly aware that whatever they feel, Shadow feels the same. 

Sonic smiles and says, " Yeah. A sheik dreamboat." 

Shadow huffs out "Sheik is from the 20s, dumbass, " But lies back against Sonic with much less hesitation than before. 

Sonic sits there with their friends laughing and yelling and happy around them, some wagging their eyebrows relentlessly at the cuddling couple, with their nails painted, their crush in their lap, and thinks that they'd like to live in this moment forever. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!!! hope yall enjoy

  
  


But Chaos dammit, Sonic should have known better than to think it would last. 

  
  


Their alarm goes off one day and it's a standard Eggman fight until he somehow manages to summon  _ Infinite _ from God knows what dimension and then suddenly Sonic's calling wildly for backup from everyone from Jet to Silver and half of the city is in tatters. They zip past a missile and land a solid hit on the stupid jackal before they're being grabbed by a bot and thrown. Sonic's falling from quite a height, and they remember that the ground is littered with debris and sharp metal and they have a second of fear before they hear a truly desperate and terrified " _ Sonic! _ " (Was that  _ Shadow? _ ) And the tell-tale sound of a ring and then instead of crashing on twisted robot parts, they're landing on a building instead, reducing it to rubble. 

Sonic coughs and sits up, shaking his head. He's fallen through buildings before so this was much more preferable to being impaled on broken robots, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. He scans the shop quickly to make sure there was no one inside when he landed, but the sirens had gone up pretty on time, so everyone seems to have reached the bunker by now. 

He's just about to push to his feet when he looks down and freezes. A sob bursts from him and he covers his mouth with his hands. 

_ Nononononono,  _ he thinks,  _ this can't be happening.  _

At his feet lie the broken black and gold letters he's stared at so often.  _ Trends.  _

Slowly, not wanting to know but unable to stop, he looks to where the dress normally stands. 

It's  _ destroyed.  _ The delicate gauze is shredded and the ripped silk below it is covered in debris and dust. The rhinestones have scattered across the cracked tiled floor and the flower has been yanked clean off, hanging by a thread onto the broken mannequin stand. 

Sonic can't help it. He sobs and tries to get to his feet, to see if he can still salvage the dress but sharp searing pain shoots up his feet and he falls back down again. 

He stares at his feet in disbelief. They're. They're broken. Sonic looks back at the dress. 

_ He's  _ broken. 

_ It's all your fault,  _ a venomous voice tells him,  _ you destroyed it.  _

_ No, it wasn't my fault, I didn't throw the ring,  _ Sonic thinks back. 

_ Shadow's then.  _

"No!" Sonic says out loud, " It's not- it's Infinite's fault-"

_ Infinite.  _

He looks back at where he was supposed to be and his heart nearly stops beating with horror on seeing his exhausted friends holding onto each other as Infinite laughs and Eggman's robots take aim. 

Sonic growls and he's vaguely aware that he's glowing (white, not yellow) and that his legs no longer hurt, but that's not his priority. 

He leans down and scoops up a single diamond from where they're all scattered. 

And then he runs.

* * *

  
  


The good thing is that Infinite won't bother them again. 

But that's the only good thing about it. 

Conversation with his friends is stilted nowadays and he can't tell whether it's because they're afraid of him or because he's been exceedingly short-tempered and unapproachable since the battle. He can tell that they're all worried but he can't bring himself to care. Even when Shadow forces him to race out to the mountains and then cradles Sonic's face in his hands and stares at him with ruby eyes lit orange and gold in the setting sun and says that they're all going to be there for him, it isn't enough to snap him out of his sudden depression. 

Okay, it helped a little bit. And it made Sonic smile for a while. 

But he still couldn't come to terms with the fact that it was  _ gone _ . And he couldn't tell the others either, because how on Earth was he supposed to tell them that he was mourning a  _ dress?  _ It was stupid but goddamnit it was the one thing that made him feel  _ correct _ , even if he never even touched it. He's angry that he'd made so many excuses for not just going and buying it and now it's  _ gone.  _

Sonic tries, though, to snap out of it. To go back to what he used to be. He agrees to go out with Knuckles to the cafe, though his heart is screaming the whole time at the sight of the destroyed shop opposite. He agrees to go shopping with Amy even though he has to tear his eyes away from the makeup section. He even agrees to go to one of the minor races with Jet, all the way in Dubai. 

The day before he goes, Shadow comes in and announces that he's coming too. 

"I don't need a chaperone, you know." Sonic hisses at him. He can see Tails stiffen up across the table, proving him right. 

But Shadow huffs at him fondly and steps forward, reaching out to straighten a crooked quill and then continuing to run his hand through the rest of them soothingly. Sonic pinks. 

"Blue, " Shadow says, smile pulling at his lips, "I'm not coming to chaperone you. I'm coming there to  _ beat your ass. _ " 

The threat combined with the gentle way Shadow was touching him causes Sonic to giggle-snort wetly. Shadow chuckles with him. 

God, Sonic's in love. 

Unable to help himself, he speeds into Shadow's arms roughly, as evident by the "Oof" muttered above him and hugs onto him tightly. Hands tighten around him too, and Shadow is the  _ perfect _ hugging height and size and Sonic could stay here forever so it's probably time to let go now. 

Shadow's still staring at him like he's the sun and stars when they let go and Sonic nearly has a fucking heart attack when the other leans in and pecks him on the cheek.  Sonic smiles goofily as Shadow chaos controls out of there and turns back to the table only to be hit by a ball of yellow fur. 

"Tails!" Sonic exclaims, alarmed as his younger brother bursts into tears. 

"You smiled!" The fox wails out, the ear splitting screeches of his species making an appearance. "I was so worried because you were so sad and I couldn't get through to you, no one could get through to you and I was so scared and you haven't smiled or laughed in weeks and you won't go to therapy even though you need it more than all of us and-"

"I'll go to therapy! " Sonic promises desperately, "Tails, I'll go to therapy, please, just stop crying, kit, please."

"This isn't about me! " Tails damn near shrieks as he looks up from where he'd buried his face in Sonic's chest. He sniffs. "It's about  _ you _ , Sonic. Why don't you ever think about your own happiness? Why can't you love yourself as much as you love us? Why can't you  _ trust us?  _ "

Sonic doesn't have an answer to that. 

Tails sighs, hugging him again. They stay like that for a few minutes before Tails mumbles, "You do know right? That you're the best big brother I could ever ask for?"

It hits Sonic just as hard as all the other times he'd been misgendered (he's looked up a few things on the internet on the bad days) since Infinite. But this is Tails. If anyone should know, it's him. And. And it's time to admit to hims-herself as well.

She rolls the small diamond she keeps in her glove between her fingers, takes a deep breath and says, "Sister."

"What?" Tails says, pulling his head up again. 

Sonic breathes again. "I'm the best big sister you could ever ask for."

Tails lip wobbles and his eyes fill with tears before he wails out, "Sonic! " and sends them both crashing to the floor. 

Sonic laughs, "Tails-" 

"THE BEST SISTER." The fox cuts him off, "YOU ARE THE BEST SISTER TO EVER EXIST. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SONIC. Wait." He scrambles out of Sonic's hold again, knees digging into Sonic's stomach, "Deadname?"

"No," She admits, "I like Sonic." She sighs happily, drawing her brother closer, "I like Sonic a lot."

* * *

  
  


So, suffice to say, she was in a much better mood by the time she was in Dubai. She hadn't had the courage to come out to anyone else yet, but saying it to  _ someone _ was enough for her to enjoy the race. 

It was a three-parter, with her and Shadow tying in the first round, Jet coming in just behind then. Sonic enjoyed every second of it, laughing and teasing Shadow the whole time, feeling more like herself than she'd felt in years. 

There was a short break so Sonic decided to look around while Shadow bought them food. She zipped a quick circle around the ebony hedgehog and zoomed off. 

Sonic hummed as she walked, waving to fans and looking into shops when suddenly, in deja vu, she glanced across the road and there it was. 

_ Trends.  _

Sonic couldn't breathe. Slowly, she dragged her gaze downward and her heart shattered again. The dress wasn't there in this one. 

_ Don't give up yet,  _ Sonic tells herself. Taking in a deep breath, she crosses the busy street, which takes her a long minute because  _ wow _ there are a lot of cars and people and animals here and then suddenly she's in front of the shop. She can't see anyone inside which works for her honestly. 

Sonic rolls the diamond between her fingers, takes a deep breath and walks in. 

It's a nice store. Some soothing music is playing on the radio and it has a pretty unique smell. She scans the racks and- there. It's the dress, in one of the back corners, hanging on a hook. 

She's not quite sure that it's not a dream as Sonic walks towards it. But just as her paws go out to grab it, someone speaks behind her, "Looking for anything in particular?" 

Sonic screams and jumps up. So does the shopkeeper. 

"Nothing!" Sonic panics, remembering all the reasons she hadn't gone into the shop before, " I'm just- looking around."

He-  _ She  _ doesn't want the world to know just yet. 

The shopkeeper looks surprised at her outburst and looks behind Sonic at the dress she was going towards. 

Locking eyes with Sonic, she hesitates for a second and then says, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know."

Sonic recoils, "What's there to be ashamed of?"

The lady smiles at her and then pulls out a small pin from her pocket with-with the rainbow flag on it. Oh. 

"You," Sonic breathes, "You're-"

"Well I'm not trans," She says in her silabilant accent. Sonic's breath hitches at her easy acceptance and she backtracks, "Or questioning my gender. But I am queer, so, if you want, you can try out the dress and I won't judge you or, like, blab about it online."

"No, no, transgender is fine," Sonic says. She looks back at the dress she's wanted for ten years and says in a small voice, "Could I try the dress on? "

"Of course!" The shopkeeper- Saniya, it says on her tag- enthuses, she snags it off the hook and walks with Sonic to the small trial rooms, "I'll come help if it's okay with you, since this is not designed for Mobians and will have to be refitted."

"Yeah, sure," Sonic says, warmth blooming in her chest. She walks into the trial room and Saniya helps her balance as she puts one leg after the other in the dress and pulls it up. Sonic slips her hand into the sleeve and shivers at how soft it is. 

It's a short dress, thankfully, but it still sags on Sonic's form a lot. Feeling slightly despondent that it doesn't look like she expected it to, she tries vainly to adjust it to look better. 

"Oh, don't worry dear," Saniya says suddenly, "I know what to do. Stay here."

She's left alone for a few moments, so Sonic takes off her gloves and gently rubs her paws on the different textures of the dress. 

Even if it doesn't fit, it's so gorgeous, Sonic can't believe it's real. 

Saniya comes back in suddenly with scissors and a tailor's stand like the ones outside. She waves off Sonic's attempts at help and grabs a measuring tape. 

"Hands out," She instructs, and wraps the tape around his arms, waist, shoulders quicker than Sonic has ever seen anyone work before and mutters a few numbers before scratching them down. She gestures for the dress and Sonic speeds to give it to her. Rising on her tippy toes, she looks fascinatedly as Saniya expertly runs the cloth through the machine, and snips away with her scissors. After twenty minutes,  _ max _ , she triumphantly holds up the dress. Sonic gasps. It's her size now and she vibrates wildly with happiness for a second or two before her self-control snaps and she says, "Gimmegimmegimme!" snatching the dress to go put it on. Saniya laughs good humoredly behind her. 

Sonic puts it on and well, squeals in joy. It looks so good now! What was a short dress for a human now reaches Sonic's knees and she laughs happily, turning this way and that to see its fit. Saniya snipped off a bit of cloth at the back so her quills could be free instead of pressed against her body and the rhinestone-diamond belt cinches in snugly, creating the illusion of curves. She grins at Saniya, who's leaning against the door behind her, unable to say anything or do anything apart from smile. "Do a twirl," Saniya calls out to her. 

Sonic twirls and the dress flares up beautifully. She giggles before a sobering thought occurs to her. The smile slips off her face.

"How much?" Sonic whispers, a little afraid of the answer. 

Saniya flinches and then sighs, " Ten grand. Dollars. Those are real diamonds, you know. But another reason for the price, and the dress not selling well, is this," Flicking the light switch behind her shut and plunging the trial rooms into darkness, she walks up behind Sonic and fiddles with something on the side of the dress. Confused, Sonic looks at the mirror and then gasps again (wow she is dramatic today) as the dress  _ lights up _ . 

Her paws fly to her mouth. The blue light dances in the darkness and bounces off the mirrors, making her look ethereal. 

Sonic tears up. Oh chaos. It's like it was made for her. It looked slightly tackier now, she supposed, but the lights on the dress looked  _ exactly _ like her eyes did when she was working with the chaos emeralds and she loved it. All these years and she'd never known it could light up. 

She was worried about the price before but fuck it, she wanted this dress and wanted it  _ now _ and she had enough in her bank account to scrap together ten grand for this and it was totally worth it and-

"Sonic?" Her blood turns to ice at the familiar voice. Terror seeping through her bones, Sonic turns to look at Shadow who was looking at her in surprise. Her breath hitched. No, no, no, nononono this isn't how she wanted him to find out! 

But Sonic can't let herself be a coward in the one place that matters and she straightens her shoulders, tilts her head up and declares fiercely, "I'm a girl."

Shadow looks like a deer in headlights, mouth working and brows creasing, "You- that.. Congratulations?" 

He looks so obviously distressed saying it that both Sonic and the shopkeeper giggle. The other hedgehog clearly looks embarrassed and it relieves some of the tension from Sonic's shoulders. She steps closer and rubs their noses together, "So, basically, you have to use she or her for me now."

"Oh," Shadow relaxes, "Why, though?"

Sonic's immobilized by sheer dread at the words, breathing already short like it never is, but then Saniya speaks up from behind, "It feels better. More correct."

"Huh," The single sound has Sonic vibrating- is that a good 'huh' or a a bad 'huh', does he find it weird, is he gonna look at her differently, oh chaos,  _ what if he tells their friends- _

"Well you're still an annoyance either way, so it doesn't really matter."

"Wow," Sonic says before she can stop it, relief so sudden she feels light headed, "Pulling no punches there, eh, dreamboat?" 

Before Shadow can reply with his inevitable, "How was this a punch?" Or something of the like, Sonic catches sight of the dress again and says, "Oh! What do you think of this dress? Look good?" 

Shadow blinks rapidly then looks down, as if he's just noticing it. Sonic's wandered beyond the darkness of the trial room unfortunately, making the lights on the dress look out of place, so she has to speed away and shut off the store lights to give him the full effect. 

He jerks his head slightly when she returns, eyes wide. "You-you look beautiful," He blurts out, and Sonic wants to  _ die _ . He meets her eyes, "They're the color of your eyes when you use the emeralds."

_ He noticed.  _ It hits her like a punch to the diaphragm, and she covers it up with a strained, "Did you just say I have beautiful eyes?"

Shadow sputters and she grins, back in familiar territory. "I did  _ not _ ," He lies and Sonic takes a step closer, jeering, "Yes you  _ did. _ "

The black hedgehog scoffs, surprisingly not pushing her away like he normally does, ears twitching, complaining, "Why are you like this?" 

"Aw shucks, dreamy, don't be like that, you know you love me," Sonic teases, smile falling off her face as the other stiffens up. 

They kiss. 

She isn't sure who moved first, and they'll be fighting about it for years to come, but at the moment it's perfect and brilliant and fun and it feels like she's lighting up from inside. 

That last part just might be the store's lights coming back on, though. 

They straighten up at a pointed cough and Sonic chuckles sheepishly at Saniya’s raised eyebrow and scratches at her quills. “You buying the dress?” she asks, sparing them all the awkwardness.

“Yeah,” Sonic says, feeling like she could run the length of the galaxy in one second, “Yeah, I will.”

“Let's split,” Shadow demands, grabbing her paw. Sweet, but, “It’s ten grand,” Sonic whispers and Shadow blanches, then shrugs, “It’s alright. You liked it. And-”

He stops and Sonic pounces on the unfinished sentence. “And?” Shadow is blushing  _ so hard _ right now, "And you looked pretty." He mumbles. 

_ Saniya's still here,  _ Sonic reminds herself,  _ do not jump Shadow.  _ She hugs him instead, burying her face into his chest floof and wiping a few stray tears on it. 

"Marry me, " She announces.

Shadow rolls his eyes at her, "It's been five minutes." 

"I don't care, I'm hopelessly in love with you. Marry me."

They bicker as the dress is packed up and put in a bag, then all the way down the street and then to their hotel and walking up to the front porch of Shadow’s house. 

There's noise from inside, since the house has become everyone's new meetup place, and Sonic pauses.

“Just tell them,” Shadow says, picking up one of the kittens purring at his feet. “Like ripping off a bandage.”

Sonic smiles fondly at the image they make. All three of their ears swivel around at a shout from one of the windows and she looks inside at all her friends, smiling at them and cheering and welcoming them back home. 

They care for her. They love her, and trust her and had been scared for her, not of her, and she knows this deep in her soul and she loves them all right back.

Shadow nudges her, and the cat on his shoulder meows. “It’ll be fine. Tell them.”

Sonic nods, then takes a deep breath and enters the room


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS AMAZING ART NUTKIN ON TUMBLR MADE FOR THIS??? I CRY???? THIS IS SO SWEET??? THANK YOU SO MUCH??????


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